A tragic incident from his student days, involving a fatal drunk-driving accident, has shaped Chris Moore's life and his expertise in the complex emotions surrounding guilt.
On a warm spring evening, fueled by end-of-year exam relief and alcohol, a house party took an unexpected turn. Chris and his friends, in a moment of youthful recklessness, decided to drive back to Cambridge, a decision that would change their lives forever. Chris, asleep in the passenger seat, woke up to paramedics and the realization that they had hit a cyclist, with fatal consequences.
"I felt an overwhelming shock, a mix of horror and deep regret. It was a roiling mass of negative emotions, a complex web of feelings that I believe defines guilt," Chris shares from his office at Dalhousie University, where he is a professor of psychology and neuroscience.
Chris's journey with guilt has led him to write a book, "The Power of Guilt," where he argues that guilt, though painful, is ultimately a force for good. "Guilt drives us to repair relationships, not just between individuals but also within societies. I wanted to change the perception of guilt, to show that it's not just a negative emotion but a necessary one for personal and societal growth," he explains.
But here's where it gets controversial... Chris suggests that guilt is not a standalone emotion but a combination of others. "It's a mix of anxiety, compassion, sadness, and anger directed at oneself. If self-directed anger dominates, it can lead to shame, which is a belief that one is inherently bad, not just that one has done something bad." Healthy guilt, he argues, is a more balanced blend of these emotions, motivating us to repair, not run from, our relationships.
Growing up in a Catholic family in Surrey, Chris was familiar with guilt from a young age. "I was overly scrupulous about religion. I'd repeat my prayers over and over if I felt I hadn't concentrated enough, driven by the fear of damaging my relationship with God and the consequences that might have." This early experience with guilt, he believes, was a mix of self-interest, fear, and compassion.
By his teenage years, Chris had left Catholicism behind, but the accident and its aftermath brought guilt back into his life in a profound way. Sentenced to prison, he spent a week in a high-security facility and nearly three months in an open prison. It was a transformative experience, especially the forgiveness he received from his parents and the survivors of the accident.
"Forgiveness was key to my ability to move on and live a good life. I was incredibly fortunate to receive it. Without it, the guilt would have lingered much longer, perhaps forever."
Freud's theory of guilt, rooted in early childhood and the fear of losing a caregiver's love, influenced Chris's thinking. But it was a paper by Roy Baumeister, a US social psychologist, that truly shaped his understanding of guilt as a response to damaged relationships and empathy for another's distress.
As a parent, Chris believes we can encourage healthier relationships with guilt by fostering empathy in our children. "When a child behaves badly, we can use what's often called a 'guilt trip' to induce empathy. We might say, 'Look at how you made Johnny feel, how you made him cry.' It's about helping the child recognize their mistake and attempt to repair the harm."
But when does a guilt trip become damaging? "The key is whether it's for learning or control. When children become teenagers, parents might use guilt trips to enforce their wishes and ideals, which can lead to tension and deeper issues."
Is parenting guilt inevitable? "I think so, but it doesn't have to be damaging. It's a sign of sensitivity to our children's needs. Working parents often feel guilty, but it doesn't mean they're bad parents; it means they care."
Why do we feel guilty when we see a police officer, even if we've done nothing wrong? "It's a stimulus that reminds us of our past wrongdoings. Police officers represent authority figures who expose us to the norms and standards we adopt internally, our conscience. Our conscience is never complete; there's always something more to consider."
Women, Chris notes, appear more prone to guilt than men, perhaps due to societal expectations and their tendency to care more about relationships. "If guilt is about managing and nurturing relationships, it's no surprise women feel it more."
In a society becoming more isolated and self-centered, might guilt diminish? "Not necessarily. We're a social species, and our evolution is rooted in complex interactions with others. To focus solely on the individual is to miss the point; it's about the relationships we have and should have."
So, how can people alleviate their guilt? If you've harmed someone, a genuine apology and attempt at reparation is vital, says Chris. "Both sides must want to heal the relationship. Guilt motivates the perpetrator to seek forgiveness, and the victim to consider forgiving if the relationship is worth saving."
For guilt arising from the past or situations where amends are impossible, self-forgiveness is key, Chris believes. "Imagine yourself as the person you harmed, receiving your apology. If you can honestly say you did all you could, felt genuine contrition, and wanted to heal, you deserve forgiveness."
Chris was forgiven by his parents, friends, and society. His college allowed him to finish his degree and pursue a PhD. "I might not have had the career I did if my research required a criminal record check. It seems overly harsh, especially for young black men in the US, whose records for minor crimes impact their lives disproportionately."
Should there be more guilt in the world? "There should be a recognition of guilt's purpose: to strengthen and manage relationships, whether individual or societal. A functioning life and world are built on strong relationships."
Within the criminal justice system, Chris advocates for restorative justice, which puts relationships at the heart, seeing crime as an offense against individuals and communities, requiring restoration of those relationships.
The concept of collective guilt, like "white guilt" in the Black Lives Matter movement, is complex. "You might feel guilt for the wrong reasons, leading to virtue signaling. Collective guilt can also place too much emphasis on individuals, rather than the group."
In the case of the UK's role in slavery and reparations, Chris argues that saying 'I had no responsibility' is weak. "The question is whether the group, the UK as a collective, had responsibility. If so, there's a reasonable debate about reparations."
Ultimately, it's about healing relationships, individually and societally. "I prefer a relationship-first approach. I don't see myself as an individual but as a collective of relationships. If you approach things this way, it changes how you fix them. I don't want to be a better person; I want my relationships to be better."
Chris's scars from the accident are a daily reminder, but he says, "It's a message that anyone can do stupid, damaging things. For most, there should be a path of forgiveness and reconciliation."
Has he spent his life trying to make up for it? "No more than anyone trying to be a good person. I didn't leave the hospital with shame. I was a stupid person who did a stupid thing, but I'm not a bad person."
Over 40 years later, does he still feel guilty? "Guilt attached to different relationships potentially harmed. But I was offered forgiveness, and it's my responsibility to accept it. I still feel guilt, but not as strongly as before."
